I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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