Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
