thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
