remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
