I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The adults are the big ones right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
