Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
