I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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