i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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