Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
