And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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