I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someone shattered a urinal.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
