I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize