pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
