last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
