Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
