Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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