Plan B is the new Plan A
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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