I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
