I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
