I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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