Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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