Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
