Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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