wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
