if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
