I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
