when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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