the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
