I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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