You smell like a Billy Joel song
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
