I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
