I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
