My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it's like iHOP with fire
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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