There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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