some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
