Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
