Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
