I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
