You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
