I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
