Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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