She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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