I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
