Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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