it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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