I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
