I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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