i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
