I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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