I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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