Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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