saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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