There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
