Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize