My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
