I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
honey bunches of taint.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
