you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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