imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
