You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
