I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize