Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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