Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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