can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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