Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think your dad took our porno
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
