i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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