You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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