yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
