thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is Oprah even human
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
