Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
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