he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
