my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was like having sex with a tree stump
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
