As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
