I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
