Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
