Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
