Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
