sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
