I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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