just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
