Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize