If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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