haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
