dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
