i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
