This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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