I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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