I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
