Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
