You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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