If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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