Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
