some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
