Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
