were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
